Random Thoughts

The great thing about landlines was that you always knew which room the phone was in.

---

People say that as we get older, we start turning into our parents. I seem to be skipping them and going straight to my grandparents.

---

It's great to know that all the former infectious disease specialists and Constitutional scholars are now disaster relief experts.

---

This'll never happen, but I would LOVE to see both candidates on stage in soundproof booths taking a standard IQ test, results to be scored and revealed immediately.

---

I'm waiting to meet an American citizen who really wanted a job picking fruit in the heat, and lost that job to an immigrant.

---

Spite

My aunt Martha was a serious grudge-holder. She always assumed that everyone else remembered all the petty little things from 40 years ago that she referred to obliquely, imagining that she had scored a zinger, when actually no one knew what she was talking about.

Martha would relate anecdotes in which she had enjoyed what she thought was a "gotcha" moment. Once at the City Clerk's office, where she was annoyed by having to file some kind of paperwork, she reminded the young person behind the window that "This city doesn't actually exist, legally," and belived she had scored points when the worker had nothing to say in response. Martha's remark was based on her memory of something that had happened decades earlier, when there was some technical irregularity in the city's incorporation papers. She assumed everyone with a city job knew about that.

Like a lot of self-righteous people, Martha always imagined that if people had no response to her pronouncements, it meant they knew she was right. It never occurred to her that they just thought she was crazy.

Martha was married over 60 years to Frank, who often seemed baffled by the endless supply of anger his wife harbored. Many of her most cherished grudges involved him, something he had or hadn't said or done when they were dating and during the early years of their marriage. One of her favorites was that he had complimented her potato salad when they went on a picnic, but later admitted he really hated it. In her eyes, that made him a liar, and she never forgave him for the revelation that her cooking skills were subpar.

In his eighties, Frank experienced health problems, along wth a cognitive decline. His ability to process information deteriorated, he exercised poor judgment, and he was no longer able to drive. He became dependent on Martha for nearly everything.

Once, I was at their house, helping Martha reorganize the garage. We were chatting about random things, and she began telling me a story from her early life with Frank. They had rented a small house in an old neighborhood, not within walking distance of any shops or businesses. It sounded to me like what today we would call a "food desert". They had one car, which Frank drove to work every day, leaving Martha at home with the baby.

One day, she asked him to pick up something for her on his way home. He declined, because it was out of his way, and said she'd have to wait for the weekend, when she could get it herself. She was bitterly disappointed and never forgot his selfishness.

"Last week," she said, "there was some little thing Frank wanted me to get for him. I told him I couldn't do it because it was out of my way, and he could wait until the weekend. He remembered. Oh, he remembered." With a smug look on her face, she continued moving boxes.

I didn't believe Frank remembered the incident Martha was referencing. More likely, he just felt helpless, even hopeless, at the mercy of a mysteriously angry woman who could arbitrarily deny his requests. I wondered if she was planning to get revenge for every slight, every disappointment, every misstep for the past sixty years. I wondered if I should investigate further, and if I would have to call Adult Protective Services.

Frank was inside, watching TV with the volume turned up. He asked me where Martha was, and appeared reassured when I said she was cleaning the garage. It seemed unlikely that he recalled last week's conversation.

Frank had a third heart attack later that year, and did not survive. Martha no longer had the strength or the will to maintain the house, so she moved into assisted living, where she survived another ten years, accumulating minor grudges against the manager, a couple of the housekeepers, and some lady named Helen.

 

Random Thoughts

Young women who want their tubes tied are often refused by doctors who tell them that their future husband might want children. So their lives are being controlled by the imaginary preferences of an imaginary man.

---

A lot of people think they know things.

---

If Republicans succeed in eliminating the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), which includes the National Weather Service and the National Hurricane Center, they'll be able to deny disaster relief to communities devastated by disastrous storms by claiming, "It wasn't a hurricane, it was your fault for leaving your sprinklers running."

---

All those prescription drug ads on TV are required to mention possible side effects. Essentially, they end up saying, "This may make you feel better for a while, but it could ruin your life and end up killing you." So, not much different from heroin?

---

My favorite prescription drug ad is the one where Mom has Alzheimer's and gets angry when people push her around, as anyone would, so they decide to drug her into submission.

---

Every opinion (even something as innocuous as your favorite ice cream) has the potential to infuriate someone.

---

I have two known ancestors who fought (on our side) in the American Revolution. That doesn't make me a hero. I also have one known ancestor who owned slaves. That doesn't make me a villain.
I didn't get to pick my ancestors, and they didn't get to pick me.

---

 

Proof of Citizenship

What would I do if I had to prove my citizenship? I'd use my passport. What if, like more than half of U.S. citizens, I didn't have a passport?

Without a passport, an enhanced driver's license (or enhanced state ID card) will do. I don't have one of those, so I need to assemble the documents that will be required to get it.

I need to start by getting a copy of my birth certificate. I don't live in the county (or state) where I was born, so a trip to the courthouse is impractical. Fortunately, I can order one by mail.

If I was born abroad to U.S citizens, I could use a Consular Report of Birth Abroad. A copy can be obtained by mailing a notarized application form and $50.00. If I wasn't born a U.S citizen, but moved to the U.S. and became naturalized, my naturalization certificate would work. Most likely, I would have this in my possession. In fact, if I were a naturalized citizen I could probably use that certificate as proof of citizenship and just skip the enhanced driver's license. But I'm a citizen by birth, so I need to keep working on this.

My birth state has a website that offers a choice between an "informational copy" and a "certified copy." The informational copy will be stamped with the words "Informational, not valid to establish identity," so I need the certified copy. I can print an application form to fill out. I'll also need to fill out a sworn statement saying that I am who I am, and get it notarized.

The fee for the certificate is $29.00. I can get my application notarized at the UPS store three miles away for $10.00. That's $39.00 plus postage for the birth certificate.

I mail the notarized statement with a check for $29.00. According to the state website, average processing time is 12-14 weeks. Yikes!

My current name is not the same as the name on my birth certificate, so I'll need to document that. The DMV will accept a passport (which, for purposes of this story, I don't have) or a certified copy of a marriage or divorce decree or court-ordered name change. Let's assume I changed my name when I got married. Getting the marriage certificate is a lot like getting the birth certificate. This costs $17.00, plus another $10.00 for notarization. If I've been married more than once, I need copies of all marriage certificates. The processing time is still 12-14 weeks. Let's hope I figured this out and mailed this application at the same time as the birth certificate request.

If I had legally changed my name by court decree, a certified copy costs $40.00.

Next, I need a proof of identity, which could be a passport, military ID, driver's license, government employee ID card, or certificate of naturalization. I'll use my current driver's license (assuming they'll accept it with an outdated address).

I now need to two proofs of my current address. These could include a bank statement, utility bill, vehicle registration, professional license, home ownership document, or some other kind of official document (as listed on the DMV website), or postmarked mail. I can use a document in my spouse's name if I also show a marriage certificate. This seems like it should be easy,but I'm finding it strangely difficult. I've lived in this house only a short time, and so far the only mail I've received is junk mail for the previous occupant. My bank account is online, and I don't yet have a printable statement with this address. My driver's license is two addresses behind, because the DMV doesn't issue a new license when an address change is reported. Since I'm waitng 12-14 weeks to get those birth and marriage certificates, maybe by then I'll have something I can use.

So far, I have spent $66.00 plus postage. Add another $27.00 for each additional marriage, if applicable. Don't forget the fee my state charges for a new driver's license. Fees are different in different states, and not all states or counties make it easy to order documents online or by mail. Typically, the fee is the same if the documents are obtained at the courthouse or hall of records. Some states do not consider vital records (birth, marriage, death) to be public records, and may require more than just a notarized statement to prove someone is allowed to receive the necessary certificates.

Three months after I started, my birth and marriage certificates arrive. Now I'm ready to visit the DMV with my pile of documents. Since the election is in Novenmber, it would be great if I had started this in July or August - maybe earlier, depending on my state's voter registration deadline.

---

Fees and procedures described above apply to the county and state where I was born. Some localities charge significantly higher fees or make it much more difficult to get copies of documents.

Note that, as of this writing, proof of citizenship does not always require an enhanced driver's license (aka Real ID), which is typically intended as identification for traveling by air. In many cases, a certified birth certificate is sufficient, provided the person's current name appearing on other forms of ID is exactly the same as on the birth certificate. Changes in spelling (Janice vs. Janis, Stephen vs. Steven) or use of an alternate form (Mike vs. Michael, Dave vs. David) may require additional documentation, which is not necessarily possible to obtain. Common sense is not admissable. People who change surnames upon marriage need to provide certified marriage and/or divorce certificates.

Some people do not have birth certificates. This may be the case for people who were not born in a hospital or clinic. (It can also be a problem for older people born in rural areas where record keeping was not meticulous, or in cases where public records have been lost or destroyed.) In the case of home births, counties or states allow registration of the birth, but sometimes people simply don't bother to register a home birth. For people who have reached adulthood without ever having a birth certificate, it may be possible to obtain a "delayed birth certificate". This requires sworn statements from witnesses, such as the mother or someone else who was present at the time. My grandfather was never able to get one, becase at the time he applied, his parents were dead, and the bureaucrats did not accept his sister as a witness.

A Social Security card is not considered proof of citizenship. According to the Social Security Administration, proof is one of these: Certificate of Naturalization, birth certificate (or equivalent), U.S. Passport or Passport Card.

For more information on proof of citizenship or acquistion of important documents, see these links:

   US Passports
   Real ID